oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
