well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
soo... how was my night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
