I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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