i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to fling myself into the sun
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
