I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
