I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
