Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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