sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Come on in and take your pants off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
