I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
