if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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