you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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