Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think i have two assholes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
