I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
