Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
