we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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