I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
