I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
