it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
