just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
