is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
