By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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