I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
