I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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