Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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