I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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