i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
