got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
