Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The uberlube is also flammable
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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