Did you just see the Batmobile???
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
