I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
