I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
