living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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