I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
