i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
