i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
