the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
