Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
