mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
