my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
