I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
