Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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