She is in my trunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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