i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
