I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
