I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
