don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
