last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
