I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
