Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
