Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
