so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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