kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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