when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
