I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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