I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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