He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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