he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are we still banned from the library?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
