I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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