I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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