Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
