bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he puts the penis in happiness.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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