I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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