she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
