I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
