how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
