I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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