worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
