The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
