I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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