Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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