I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize