I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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