i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
