I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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