I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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