I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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