Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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