When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
