Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
