Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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